A few nights back, I was enjoying the nightly ritual of combing
out my daughter's long hair after her bath. She always engages
me in thought-provoking conversations during this time. It's
become a special bonding session for us each evening, even if
it's just to go over the new experiences she's had that day.
This time, though, she caught me off guard. My darling
daughter, who won't even be five years old until next week,
asked the famous question, "Mom, where do babies come from?"
I immediately started to respond, "Well, honey, when a man and
a woman love each other, their love can make a baby...."
At this point, she quickly interrupted me..."No, mom, I mean,
how does the baby get inside the mommy's tummy?"
That was all it took for me. Ten years of reading parenting
magazines and advice books continuously, and I had forgotten
everything I ever read on the proper response to this line of
questioning. My chin dropped to my chest, and my mind was blank.
Luckily, I realized that I had to recover from my momentary
brain-freeze, and come up with some sort of answer. My daughter
isn't the type to let something go unanswered. To buy myself
some time, I told her it wasn't easy to explain, and I'd look
for a book that we could read together. This seemed to satisfy
her for the time being.
Now, with a few days to get back to her, I can help other
parents avoid being caught in the same situation. I'm sure I am
not the only parent unprepared to have this conversation with a
child this young. So what's the best approach, according to
the 'experts'?
Regarding the best time to start talking about sex with your
child, Planned Parenthood says, "It's best to start as soon as
children begin getting sexual messages. And they start getting
them as soon as they're born. But don't worry if you haven't
started yet. It's never too late. Just don't try to "catch up"
all at once. The most important thing is to be open and
available whenever a child wants to talk. The rest will take
care of itself." (How to Talk With Your Child About Sexuality:
A Parent's Guide)
According to Pandorah Turner of http://www.RaisingKids.tv, "Your 5-
year-old daughter may be happy with the simple answer that
babies come from a seed that grows in a special place inside
the mother. Dad helps when his seed combines with mom's seed,
which causes the baby to start to grow" (Article: Talking To
Your Daughter About The Birds & The Bees). To me, that seems
like a very comfortable way to answer her question. However, it
scares me to think what she might ask next!
Many experts state that you should only offer the information
that your young children ask for. If you get too involved
beyond their specific questions, most likely they won't retain
what you tell them. There is nothing wrong with admitting to
your child that you don't know the answer to their question.
Instead of possibly providing incorrect information, offer to
look up the answers and get back to them, but make sure that
you follow through. Be sure to use correct terminology when
answering questions, especially when referring to anatomy. If
the words make you uncomfortable, practice saying them when you
are alone, before you try using them in conversations with your
child.
When talking with a 2.5 to 5 year old, according to
http://www.siecus.org, "You could say, 'Babies grow in a special place
inside a mommy called a uterus.' If your child seems interested
and asks more questions, offer more simple answers. The actual
information you give your preschooler is less important than
showing you're willing to talk openly about sexuality."
There are many books available on the subject, also. For
example:
So, moms and dads, help is out there - make sure you look for
it before you get stuck in my shoes! After picking up a few
books, I'll be ready to educate my daughter. I'd rather have
her learn about it here at home, than from the media, or her
classmates. We live in a society where sex is everywhere we
look. We can't simply avoid these uncomfortable conversations.
Our children will learn about it. The important thing is to
make sure they learn correctly. And if we keep them comfortable
with asking us now, they will be much more likely to turn to us
later in life as the outside world gets more complex.
My daughter reminded me once again that our children will
continue to grow up, whether we are ready for them to or not.
Sure, she's only going on five years old now, but I look back
at these last five years, and I wonder how they could have gone
by so amazingly fast. The next five years, and ten years, will
be gone just as quickly. In today's whirlwind world,
procrastination is not our best option.
